Review from Obviously.ca

Book Review: How to Turn Your Parents Green
By Kayley. Posted on 7:00:00 am - Wednesday, January 30, 2008.

Presented in a poignant and witty way, How to Turn Your Parents Green tells the tale of the Greens versus the Groans in explaining the effects of Ghastly Global Warming. In targeting an often-forgotten, but very powerful, audience, author James Russell reaches out to “kids age 8 to 80” and shows them how to take control of the state of their current and future environment, namely by influencing their parents, caregivers, and teachers to change their behaviours.

How to Turn Your Parents Green begins by discussing the current state of the Groans, and comparing them to the Greens. The Groans represent those people in today’s society who fail to think about the environment when making choices, whereas the Greens are environmentally-aware individuals, whom we should all aspire to emulate.

“Look at Dad. He’s obviously been enjoying some festive cheer. Now he doesn’t feel too great. His feet are cold because blood scarcely reaches them, so he demands more heat and chomps another packet of chocolate digestives. Green Dad keeps trim by raking leaves, walking to the shops, and riding a bike to work. His heart pumps happily, so his feet are warm and he doesn’t need the heating on.”

In this UK-based saga, Russell teaches kids how to become Eco-Warriors and to hold the older generation responsible for their actions, by having them sign the “Glorious Green Charter” and imposing necessary fines while acting as “House Rubbish Inspector” and keeping an eye on “Water Wasters”.

How to Turn Your Parents Green covers all the range of areas in which environmental choices can be implemented, including travel, shopping, the importance of buying local, electronics, and how to influence your teachers to become more environmental. With a sense of humour that pervades How to Turn Your Parents Green, Russell provides many examples of Groan stupidity when it comes to the environment.

At one point he writes, “Once upon a time, a TV was either On or Off. Then someone invented Standby and now TVs and all our other appliances burn energy twenty-four hours a day, wasting millions of pounds a year. But for what? Surely a TV which is Off is just as ready for action as a TV on Standby- all you have to do is push a button, for Heaven’s Sake.”

At another point made is that, “[p]lums grow like crazy in Britain, but nobody wants them. Blueberries don’t grow here at all, and everybody loves them. If Blueberries were meant to fly, they’d have wings. Welcome to the world of Groan logic”.

These witty lines make sense on many levels and teach kids environmental lessons without talking down to them. Russell does a great job of breaking down often hard to swallow environmental information into chunks that are easily digestible. He provides simple solutions for big problems and teaches everyone can be a powerful instrument of change. Readers are asked to “imagine if every child in the country channelled their Pester Power in the service of the Glorious Green Future. Imagine if, instead of whining for DVDs, everyone griped and grumbled about organic carrots or environmentally friendly washing powder”. He also highlights the power of new communication, stating “Email is a wonderful thing. Nobody will guess your age from an email. You can write to newspapers, complain to Council, take part in planning protests and express your opinions on consumer websites and forums, just the same as an adult.”

Russell’s final lesson resonates with Kermit, children and adults alike: “It isn’t easy being Green. We’re only human, after all. But if you follow Groan philosophy you’ll be unhappy, stressed, overweight and, quite probably, under water.”

How to Turn Your Parents Green is great if you have parents, or friends, or happen to know people. I certainly learned a lot and enjoyed a hearty chuckle at the same time!

Patio Heaters and Smoking Groans

Do you understand Europe? I mean the government-type thing, not the continent. Europe has a parliament and it has elected members of parliament (MEPs), who are a bit like ordinary MPs - except that nobody knows who they are. Most MPs and most governments are super-Groanish. They bend over backwards to do things they think people will like, such as building new roads and airports or putting more people in prison. The European parliament, on the other hand, doesn't care two hoots whether people like what it does. And the European parliament is surprisingly Green.

The only reason we recycle in this country is because Europe makes us pay fines if we don't. Groans love to grumble about Europe and now it looks like they're going to have something new to gripe about, because Europe is planning to ban patio heaters.

I have to say I'm not too keen on banning things. When you stop people doing something they like it makes them resentful, and it's hard to be Green when you're petulant or cross. So do we need to ban patio heaters? How does the amount of energy a patio heater wastes compare with, say, the amount used to keep imported fruit cool for months in a giant warehouse?

Groans are very attached to their patio heaters because it feels special to be outside at night or when it's cold. People do it in other countries which aren't so cold and damp, so Groans think we should be able to do it here. Especially Smoking Groans, since they're not allowed to smoulder indoors anymore. Once upon a time Smoking Groans hid away in pubs and cafes, but now they're all outside, on the patio, enjoying the 'en plein air' experience and the warmth of a patio heater. They're under the stars, like cowboys round a campfire...

The real problem isn't so much the patio heater as the typical Groanish attitude: I feel good and that's what matters. Will banning patio heaters change this? Probably not.

So here's the real question. Should Green mean laws, bans, restrictions and fines? Or should it mean something more positive? How about:

Colourful ponchos for Smoking Groans!
Geothermal under-patio heating systems!
Pedal-powered patio heaters!

Let's have more freedom, not less. Let's have some vision.

Look out! It's the Carbon Weevils!

One of the aims of How to Turn Your Parents Green (how I wish I'd given it a shorter title!) is to inject a bit of humour into the global-warming-mass-extinction-oh-no-we're-all-going-to-melt thing. And I'm happy to say we're part of a growing trend. Yes, there are still plenty of tedious books and websites where people drone on about lightbulbs and recycling without so much as a smile, but some great comic minds are at work dreaming up wonderful new ideas.

My favourite is the Carbon Weevils, a short film made by madcap theatre troupe Forkbeard Fantasy. It's shown as part of their hilarious show Invisible Bonfires, which is about global warming, but you can also see the film by itself on Youtube or You Tube or whatever it's called - you probably know better than me.

The link is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dEuUDmwZ8a0

At least it should be. Sorry if it's someone doing a silly dance instead.

Viva Greenpeace!

It's hard to be positive when you come across stories like Goodbye Froggie. That doesn't mean you shouldn't read them. You just have to read them, think a bit and then do something. No one's expecting you to go charging around the Southern Ocean like the rainbow warriors of Greenpeace are doing right now. There is, as they say, more than one way to save a whale. Or a frog, come to think of it. This is what 'How to Turn Your Parents Green' is all about: direct action you can do at home.

Take the poor frog. In this green, wet country of ours there used to be lots of frogs, toads and newts. Witches didn't have to look far when they needed a bit of amphibian for a spell, they just looked in the nearest patch of weeds. There were ponds and streams everywhere, full of green, slippery creatures.

The modern witch has to look much harder, because there are less amphibians, and there are less amphibians because there are fewer places for them to live. Our growing towns and cities cover land with tarmac and bricks and concrete. We use strimmers and weedkillers to get rid of vegetation. Even in the countryside you have to look quite hard for a pond because people have filled them in.

So what can you do? Here's a clue: in our tiny city garden we have anything between five and ten frogs. They live in the flowerbeds around the world's smallest pond, feasting on the thousands of slugs that live in the garden. They're protected from local cats by the thick, messy foliage that we never cut back. We don't use any poisons. In fact a lot of the time we don't do much. It's a bit of a jungle, but paradise if you're a snail, a slug or an urban frog.

The gardening chapter of 'How to Turn Your Parents Green' has lots of tips for the greener gardener, so why not check it out?

Goodbye Froggie

The other day I was lucky enough to interview the producer of the new BBC nature series Life in Cold Blood, which is all about Reptiles and Amphibians. He told me a story which is featured in the series, about the Panamanian Golden Frog. It's one amazing creature, this frog, bright yellow with a black stripe. The male of the species will sit on the riverbank and, when it spies another frog, wave at it. To other male frogs, this is a bit like a shake of the fist - look at my muscles! To a female it's, well, much the same, only with a different aim...

A couple of years ago the producer contacted scientists in the region to talk about this frog and they told him, you'd better get here quick because we don't know how long this frog is going to be around. Apparently there's a nasty fungus which is spreading along river systems all over the world, and it is killing amphibians at such a rate that people are comparing the situation to the extinction of the dinosaurs.

Anyway, the producer rushed over to Panama and filmed the Panamanian Golden Frog, which he described as a truly amazing creature. Scientists went along too, and did experiments to see whether the frog would wave at its own reflection or at a frog on a TV screen. And then, some time later, the fungus reached the homeland of the Panamanian Golden Frog and local scientists scooped up the last remaining population and took them into captivity.

The frog has waved its last in the wild, but it is about to become a TV star.

As a producer of nature programmes I suppose you get used to extinction, but I found this story disturbing. What you're wondering though is, are we to blame? The answer is, quite possibly. The killer fungus seems to have travelled from Africa along with the South African Clawed Frog, which is used by people all over the world. You see the South African Clawed Frog is very useful to us humans, because if you inject one with the urine of a pregnant woman it will produce eggs. Yes, this particular frog is a living pregnancy testing kit.

What does this tell us? With their thin skins, amphibians are incredibly sensitive animals. A frog may help us detect a pregnancy, but perhaps the rapid decline in species across the world should give us another kind of warning.

What does Green mean?

It's a tricky one, isn't it? We're always telling each other we should be Greener, but does anyone really know what this means? I have an idea in my head, but I doubt it's the same as yours. For instance, my Green vision isn't limited to worrying about Carbon. I'm not sure that all our attention should be focused so narrowly on this one element, because it allows accountants and technical people and marketing whizzkids to dictate how we think about changing the world for the better.

If you're obsessed with Carbon you can't think rationally about nuclear power or dams across the Severn. Of course this suits big corporations just fine, because a thinking public is not good for business. After all, if you think in broad terms about being Green you soon realise that the most important Green qualities are THRIFT (ie not wasting stuff), MODERATION (ie not consuming too much), SELF-RELIANCE (ie doing things for yourself) and CRAFT (ie making and doing things rather than passively consuming them). If you have these qualities you will have a small Carbon footprint. You will have lower Carbon emissions than other people. You won't need to waste any of your precious time thinking about this incredibly tedious subject.

But can you think of a business that wants its customers to be thrifty, moderate, self-reliant and crafty? What about the government? Our leaders want us to be healthy and reasonably content, but they also want us to consume. They want us to buy a lot of everything. For the economy to keep booming we have to buy more this year than we did last, and if we're Green we won't.

Carbon is a good get-out for government and business. Think about it. If you're a business person you want people to keep buying stuff, but there's only so much a person can buy. So you keep creating new products and new markets, and this is what's happening with Carbon. Instead of buying less, people are buying more, only they're buying stuff that seems to be Green because it involves less Carbon floating about the place. Biofuel is a classic example of this, as discussed in How To Turn Your Parents Green:

Don’t be Fooled by BioFuel
Car owners, manufacturers and petrol companies are always looking for ways to seem Green, and biofuels are the New Big Thing. Instead of powering cars with the energy from long-dead plants (ie oil), biofuels are made from plants grown for the purpose – crops like wheat, oilseed rape and oil palms. The idea is that the growing plants consume as much CO2 as the car engines will emit, but does this make biofuels Green? Not in the slightest. So how can you be a Green driver? By riding a bike instead

Don't get me wrong. I'm nervous about Global Warming and I know that we need to change our ways. But when you're thinking Green, have some imagination. Have some vision. Conjure a great life. The future needs hard-working, thoughtful, creative people, not a bunch of Carbon-crunchers.

Travelling Greenly

So Christmas is over and everyone's thinking about the summer holidays. I suppose it's pleasant to think about blue skies and hot sunshine when the weather outside is cold and grey, but for budding Greens the subject of travel is tricky. I mean, we like to travel as much as the next person, but we feel bad about the consequences.
Mostly people worry about carbon emissions from flying, driving long distances and so on, but there's another side to the story. Here's a little snippet from 'How to Turn Your Parents Green':

The Plane Truth about Stonehenge
You know the story of Daedalus and Icarus? Dad makes wings. Son gets over-excited and flies too close to sun. Wings fall to pieces. Son plummets to death.
Moral: THINK CAREFULLY BEFORE LEAVING TERRA FIRMA.
In the old days flying used to be dangerous, but now it’s safe and cheap, and Groans love it. They love buzzing over to Paris or Prague for the weekend, and because everyone else is doing it too they assume it must be a good thing to do. Of course people used to feel like that about sending little boys up chimneys and putting little girls in charge of dangerous machinery.
The trouble with flying is that it uses an amount of energy way out of proportion to the benefit gained, ie a Groan lying by a pool or trawling around the shops. And there are Hidden Costs.
Take Stonehenge. I don’t mean literally. Just as an example. Not so long ago you could wander among the stones, but now there’s a huge fence round them. Why?
1. Because otherwise the stones might escape?
2. Because a gang of dastardly international criminals is planning to steal them? Or
3. Because so many people come to see them that if there wasn’t a fence the stones would be worn away like the noses of cathedral saints?
A trip to a foreign country used to be a rare adventure, but now you just drive to the airport, hop on a plane and hire a car when you get to the other end.
Groans may grumble about how they used to wander round Stonehenge but they themselves want to go everywhere and see everything. They want More, Cheaper.
So Stonehenge is now hidden by a giant car park full of coaches and a fence, and none of you will ever see the old stones sitting quietly on the grass.

Still, even the Greenest among us will be thinking wistfully of a sun-soaked beach right now, because that's what we do in winter when we're hunched in our woolly hats and scarves. As we dream of the sun, travel agents offer to make our dreams come true. We book our exotic summer holidays so that the thought of them can sustain us through the winter. But when the summer comes around we don't really need to go anywhere. England (or any other northern country) is beautiful in the summer, wet sometimes maybe, but green and temperate when more southerly countries are roasting.
So what we need is a new way of dreaming through the winter. We need to invent imaginary journeys, magical cities, fantastic voyages. We need to read Marco Polo or Gulliver's Travels or The Odyssey. These adventures have helped people cope with hundreds of winters, and they can help us now.
In the future, when the human race has grown bored of zooming all over the place and Stonehenge is open to all again, people will sit in their gardens imagining fantastic journeys. Travel guides will no longer be published. Instead, there will be books full of imaginary journeys, while visitors to unfamiliar cities will be given puzzles instead of maps. Travel will be a test of character, undertaken only by those with a genuine thirst for knowledge and adventure.
In the meantime, try reading Invisible Cities by Italo Calvino - you'll never need to leave home again.
PS The exotic desert island in the picture is called Steep Holm. Can you find it?